27. December 2016 Sam Ryter

How daily acts of kindness change your life (7min read)

How daily acts of kindness can change your life - By Sam Ryter

Kindness is a big word, and it’s used very often. I found it can have different meanings to different people. But at the end of the day, those ideas of kindness have one common similarity: They bring human beings back together. Kindness is an act of love and fear does not exist from that place. In this article I’m going to share with you how you can not only build a habit of ‘kind living’ but also how that will change your life and your relationships.

Society today

We live in a society where we get conditioned by values that reinforce competition, separation, comparison and judgement. (Article: How modern values create social separation)

As a result, a whole society lives to ‘impress others’ rather than actually expressing what they truly think, feel and… are.

We walk around with masks and the fear of not being enough and the fear of not being loved affects our lives and actions. (Article: Giving up on being perfect)

Games being played in our relationships, because “I can only give as much as I get back – otherwise I might get hurt”. We are afraid of each other. Afraid of ourselves. Afraid to fail, afraid to lose, afraid to be different… and we all live in a society of fear. (Article: Overcome Fear – 5 insights that can change your life)

You’re more than your fears

Well, most of us know that we are more than our fears. We know that deep within everyone is something so valuable, so precious, so unique. Something that doesn’t know fear. Something that acts out of love. That is so powerful and peaceful, that doesn’t hold back but it is creative, loving, compassionate.

Nobody, if black or white, straight or gay, short or tall, woman or man… no one want’s to live in fear. All we want is to love. To give love and to receive love. That’s what unites us. That’s us, being human.

Quote about human Kindness from Sam Ryter - There is something within everyone of us that is ultimately powerful, amazing, loving and wise. You may experience weakness, but you can't be weak.

How to experience love?

But how can we experience love, as we live a life based on fear? How can we experience love if our actions are based on mistrust to others?

If you would like to feel connected to others again (to strangers or acquaintances). If you want to express yourself truly, without holding back and if you believe in a more honest world where people help each other and look into each other’s eyes again (instead of looking into their phones e.g.), then a shift needs to happen within us.

It’s this shift from separating ourselves from the world, trying to take as much as we can, to seeing that it’s not always just about you. It’s a shift to giving unconditionally, a shift to contribution, it’s the shift from fear to love.

From the survival mode, into the creation mode. From stress to relaxation and from limitation to abundance. (Article on those effects: The way to be a more social and loving person)

Human beings in Survival-Mode

I love to use the metaphor of a zebra, running away from a lion. In that situation the zebra is in survival mode. The Zebra has only 3 things in its head: It’s thinking about her body, the environment (where to run), and the time it has (to get away). In that time there is no creation, there is no time for love, but there is stress and anxiety. But already after 15min, when the danger has gone, the same Zebra is grassing again on the field and the whole system is back to normal.

Now, human beings can create those scenarios in their heads. Just by thought alone they can make it real – and the body reacts by releasing stress hormones.

The problem is that the conditioning of our thinking constantly sees a threat and danger. That keeps us living in survival mode, that keeps us living in stress, and no organism can handle stress for a longer period of time.

And often, all that happens just by thought alone!

So, if we want to live more fully, be more creative, become a better social human being, be more free… We literally have to change our brain-patterns.

We have to change our thinking about the world.

The most important shift in your life

Out of experience and by working on that with many people, this shift from ‘what can I get’ to ‘what can I give’, can literally change our brain, our lives, our vibe. Our sense of being connected to others… It changes the way we think, and your thinking creates your reality.

We need to change our thinking patterns. Because it’s the thoughts that separate us. It’s the thoughts that make us fear the unknown and make our bodies to release the (emotional-)stress hormones. It’s our thinking that keeps us in ‘survival mode’. And in that place, there is no space to create.

Living by those hormones of stress actually negatively effects our creativity, our relationships, our sense of peace, joy and groundedness – because in that state “all those things don’t seem important”. High performers know about those facts, and by making that shift with those people, we’ve literally seen their social-lives, businesses and the way they showed up totally change. (Learn more here: Sam Ryter’s Coaching Programs)

Based on research, our brain needs a couple weeks (based on the age) to adjust to new thinking patterns and this is why consistent action is needed.

Why personal change can be difficult

The reason why people are not able to make a change, is because after stepping out the first time of their comfort-zone, they stop… “because it doesn’t feel right”… In fact, it just doesn’t feel familiar. Because it’s changing a habit – and that just feels not familiar. That’s a very important distinction. Our brain, our bodies adjust, that brings the system out of coherence, until the new habit becomes familiar.

So the questions to ask ourselves, especially when we want to grow and evolve are:

  • Does it really feel wrong or is it just unfamiliar?
  • Who do I want to become?

And then we can make a conscious decision on where we place our focus on.

Most people focus on what they don’t want in their lives. That’s why they create even more of it. Where you put your energy on is what grows.

I challenge you to join the movement

I challenge you to grow, every day. Little by little. I challenge you to give unconditionally rather than expecting something back. I challenge you to make little conscious decisions every single day to contribute, to create, to connect.

Now, we can’t change the world in a day. But I believe that is not important here.

What I think is important, that we take responsibility for our own lives. To grow as an individual.

What we can do, is to focus on what we can ‘control’. And that’s how we show up in the world.

Modern leaders are those who lead by example.

Over the next month I will launch the #unconditionaljanuary. It’s supporting you to make your own personal shift. And we do it together, with people who want to see more kindness in the world. With people who take responsibility, who made the shift, who vote for love and not for fear.

You can join the event on facebook: https://www.facebook.com/events/1726156911046012/ or you can give me your email adress and I will send you all the infos you need.

Every day, I will send you a new exercise that will help you to make this conscious personal evolution. You will be able to share your experience in the facebook event or in my group, connect with like-minded people and have an epic and transformative start into 2017.


#UnconditionalJanuary will change you as a person. It will change your world around you. It will make you more free, more loving and it will give you a deeper sense of living.

It’s the shift from ‘trying to get’, to ‘giving unconditionally’ that literally changes everything. It removes the fear of the ‘little-me’

Join the facebook-event or sign up here, for further information this week.

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Sam Ryter

Sam Ryter is an author and professional coach. He helps people to create deeper and more fulfilling relationships with others, the world and themselves.

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