9. August 2017 Sam Ryter

The day I left the army – And I learned what nobody told me about relationships. (5min read)

Harvay Mackay once said:

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships. The quality of your business is no different.

This sentence stuck with me and today I would love to have a closer look at this with you and I would like to share my story with you of the day I left the army.

I remember the day I walked out of the army-base-camp. Finally! They let me go. And I was ‘free’ again. But something changed in me. My self-esteem was on ground zero.

I have done my service in the army for a bit less than half a year. That’s how long it took to get the basic-education.

And never in my life, I had fought such big battles within me.

I was traumatized. Didn’t feel enough. Didn’t believe in myself. After they let me go at that day – it seemed that I was finally “FREE”… but at the same time, I had never felt so lost than in that moment.

Freedom is a state of mind

It was the time I realised that freedom is a state of mind.

And back then, I wasn’t in the state of mind – at all – to feel free.

Instead I was left with no clarity, lack of connection, fear of expressing myself and I even applied for a job at the police (can you imagine ME working as a police officer???)

They rejected me. And later on I realised, that applying there was not MY TRUTH – it was rather something that someone else (the army) had ‘persuaded’ me to do (I was part of the Military Police Commando).

And in that insecure state, it’s so easy to take action that is not in alignment with your truth. We become puppets…

This was almost 5 years ago. And since then my life changed dramatically. And I found my self-worth again.

In fact, I rather realised that it has been always here (I just didn’t see it for a long time).

The biggest thing that changed wasn’t me as a person. But the way I started to see the world.

In this insecure state I used to see ‘enemies’ everywhere. People who wanted to challenge me, who wanted to ‘attack’ me.

My relationships with women were horrible – so afraid to be hurt, I used to keep my relationships just on the surface…

Because what would happen if I would lose control???

Now going back to the quote I shared with you in the beginning of this email:

“The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships. The quality of your business is no different.”

Of course I had relationships with others. But they were lacking quality.

They had no depth.

There was still this insecure little boy from the army withing. Afraid to be hurt…

And that’s why, each time he put his mask or armor (metaphorically spoken) on. Afraid of speaking his truth. Afraid of expressing himself…

Had I known back then that by trying not to be hurt – I deeply hurt myself. Because I shut myself off from what I deeply wanted – Love and connection.

That took a lot of courage to face that truth. Eventually I just wanted to be free.

But nobody had told me.

I grew up in a society, where everyone is focussed on competition. Being better than others. Us vs. them… Men vs. women. Black vs. white. Straight vs. gay.

We learn to do math, geometry, biology… but nobody ever told us what it means to deeply connect with someone.

We see the movie stars, action heroes, supermodels. And we learn to pretend to be something we’re not… in order to be loved, respected, valued. And be enough.

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships. The quality of your business is no different.

BUT what if we are no different from each other?

What if the “values” of society are slowly becoming outdated?

What if there’s more value in connecting deeply with someone – than ANY degree could ever give you?

Deep down at our core we are all human beings. And we connect and love human beings… And not robots.

(Re-)Learning to connect with others

This realisation changed everything for me.

Not only the relationships I had with women.

But the relationship I had with my family. With my friends. It changed my business and it gave me opportunities I couldn’t have dreamed of.

A client of mine once said:

To (re-)learn to connect deeply with someone is probably the most important thing someone can do in his life.

And I believe he was right. Because the ability to connect with someone, needs the ability to connect with yourself.

You can only go as deep with others as you can go with yourself.

Unfortunately the system hasn’t woken up to that fact yet. And still, I see more and more people are waking up. Feeling that “there must be something more!”

And there is “more”… Once we re-learn what we slowly have forgotten as we grew up, we can start to change our relationships completely!

Because connection is one of our core needs. It is what every little baby is crying for. It is human.

Since this week the Fearless Human Connection Blueprint is online. It’s a complete paradigm shift for relationships, intimacy, self expression and creating a loving, safe space for others.

It’s for those who are sick of the superficiality and want to explore more about themselves.

This may be a big investment for your future.

You can access the launch offer here: https://fearlessconnection.com/thank-you-fhcb-offer/

Please let me know if you have any questions about it, I’ll be glad to directly help you out with it and answer them as best as I possibly can. Simply leave a comment below or contact me via the contact form (all the way down below)

Take care, and hopefully see you in the course!


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Sam Ryter

Sam Ryter is an author and professional coach. He helps people to create deeper and more fulfilling relationships with others, the world and themselves.