14. February 2017 Sam Ryter

Single or Not – How to make Valentine’s Day Special (6min read)

How to make Valentine's Day Special

Would you be my valentine? If you’re single or not, this is how we can make Valentine’s Day the most epic day of the year.

This morning, I woke up with such a different purpose of what I would write about today. It’s Monday morning and I walked into one of my favourite Cafés here in Budapest. To brainstorm and to get more specific about the topic that was in my head for days already.

But I’m amazed how life offers such great turnarounds sometimes. I was about to order a tea and I started chatting and joking around with the Barista-Girl… about Valentine’s Day.

Honestly, I didn’t even know that Valentine’s Day is celebrated on the 14th. This day has never played a big role in my life. I never really ‘celebrated’, I never really cared.

But you know what…? That girl sparked a sense of curiosity and enthusiasm within me.

I felt a drive to write about it, and I took this sense of enthusiasm as a sign to express and to share what I feel about making this day the best Valentine’s Day we’ve ever had – With or without having a ‘date’ or a ‘Valentine’.

What’s this Valentine’s Day about?

That was actually my first question that came to my mind. Well, I knew it’s a day where the guys are supposed to buy flowers and where couples have an official reason to make love with each other.

So I decided to do some research in the history books.

All I found was that the celebration of Saint Valentine did not have any romantic connotations until Chaucer’s poetry about “Valentines” in the 14th century.

And only in 18th-century England, [Valentine’s Day] evolved into an occasion in which lovers expressed their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as “valentines”). In Europe, Saint Valentine’s Keys are given to lovers “as a romantic symbol and an invitation to unlock the giver’s heart”…

So then I thought: “If Valentine’s Day – at the core – really is about expressing love to each other, then this day is going to be so much fun.”

That means to me, that I don’t need to have a “Valentine”, or a partner. I believe the Barista and I are both relieved. I don’t need to search for something from the outside. We don’t need to make up something. But it’s an opportunity to share my love and express it to others. Whoever that will be.

Valentine’s Pressure

There’s a lot of Valentine’s pressure going on. Of course, because there is this romantic expectation in our head. The stress occurs when we try to control or force a specific outcome.

This makes life feel like “work”.  We feel ‘we have to’. We are taking action from our ‘heads’ and not from our ‘hearts’.

Valentine’s Days can feel lonely, especially when everyone around seems to have a romantic time, and we can’t live up to those expectations.

Let’s make your Valentine’s Day the best day of the year

But what if Valentine’s Day is not about having a romantic time with someone but about actually sharing and expressing our love to others?

Sometimes a little change in perspective can open up a complete new world for us.

How about if expressing love to others is free? What if we don’t need to buy gifts for that? Or to have a date? What if there is no effort needed as it truly comes from your heart?

 

In fact, when I look at the stats of how much people spend on gifts for others on those days, brings up the question: How much of that ‘giving’ is actually an avoidance to speak our truth and really share what we feel to others?

This to me has nothing to do with love. But with fear.

 

In my work as a coach, I can observe it over and over again, that the quality of our lives and relationships has so much to do with where we set our focus on.

So is your focus on forcing a specific outcome today? – On something you can’t really control?

Or is your focus and main goal on expressing love to others?

Living Transparently

So much pain and pressure exists because people don’t live by their truth. They are afraid of not being loved for who they truly are.

“What if I would take off my mask, speak my truth, and they will hate me for that?”

Because of that fear, people hold back. They sacrifice the pain of not expressing themselves for ‘an even bigger potential pain’. The pain of not being loved.

We hold back because we are afraid of losing, without realising that the holding back is our ultimate failure.

In this last bit of this article I want to turn that thinking around, because it’s so significant to see that pattern that we live by. The pattern that billions of people live by.

The Worst Sacrifice in Life

All we want deep down is to love and to be loved. A sense of connection. A sense of being understood.

We sacrifice to speak our truth – even to express love because we are constantly afraid of being not loved in return.

And we seem to do this, without realising that by not by not expressing ourselves, we build exactly those walls that prevent us from experiencing all that we truly want.

The biggest pain is when we live a life out of integrity.

We rather swallow it. It creates more insecurity. It creates more pain. It’s a subtle killer that slowly drives us away from living in integrity with ourselves.

Valentine’s Day is the Day to Open Up.

What if your main focus today would be on expressing your love to others? Without having any outcome.

What if our main ‘success’ today is not having an outcome but us speaking our truths? About us expressing our love to others.

We can make this day extraordinary today, we can make this day special as we take this day as an opportunity to express our love towards others.

Expressing Love on Valentine’s Day

So now, do we need a Valentine’s Day for that? No, but the reason I love those days is, that they act as reminders. It’s a reminder to share a bit more of ourselves. A reminder to let others know.

It’s a reminder to live in integrity with ourselves. To live from a place of love, rather than a place of fear.

Valentine’s Day is the day of releasing it

If you’re having a ‘Valentine (girl)’ today or not, doesn’t really matter. In fact, there are no boundaries to express our love. We can make a conscious choice to live transparently.

It’s a start of being you.  Let’s use this day to express our love to others – whoever that might be. If it’s the Barista, the Post-Man, Colleagues at work, your lover… at the end of the day it doesn’t matter at all, we’re all human beings, we all – deep down – want to love and to feel loved.

Expressing that, can be so freeing. It builds bridges. Taking off the ‘mask to impress’ connects us and brings us closer to others.

I believe the world needs more people who open up and share the love with others. There’s so much confusion in our society, so many fears and boundaries between people.

The world needs people who step up and decide to be an example of change. People who just start to give, who start to express. People who decide to live their lives in integrity.

And it’s fascinating, that even the simplest and smallest actions can already move mountains.

So let’s start today.

How will you make your Valentine’s Day extraordinary? Let me know in the comments.

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Sam Ryter

Sam Ryter is an author and professional coach. He helps people to create deeper and more fulfilling relationships with others, the world and themselves.