5. October 2017 Sam Ryter

The Biggest Addiction of Mankind

Probably the biggest addiction of mankind is the addiction to ‘personhood’. Me, me, me…

The minds identification with who we are, who we supposed to be, what we are not, what we are capable of doing, what not, how we may come across… Again me, me, me.

The mind’s designed to keep you “safe”. To make you survive in the deadly jungle of life. It doesn’t know about anything beyond the basic senses.

I mentioned in the past a few times that the personal mind is limited. It’s designed to label things. It places things in boxes. It tries to make sense of the world it lives in.

Now, the mind serves us in many practical ways in the world we live in. It’s a servant.

However it is unable to understand the absolute. Infinite things like love – what the human being is deeply seeking for.

In a rational society, we learn to live by the mind. We try to make sense out of love. Make sense of “deep connections”. Of tantric experiences. We try to figure things out. This is an endless journey.

Instead of having the mind as a servant, it has become our master.

Nobody taught you how to ‘handle’ this tricky thing called mind. Most people are unaware. They suffer and don’t know why.

Pains of awakening to the insanity of the mind

The ones that become aware, the ones who awaken to the insanity of the mind are set up to face lots of struggles, lots of fears, lots of doubts, emotions, confusion – in the beginning.

A normal process – and I believe many of us are in this right now. Experiencing more lows is a natural theme – when people start facing their shadows. What they have been running away from – often for years.

Low-moods can appear to be a very dark, and emotional places. It can seem to be a helpless space, but eventually these low moods are guiding us back to our light.

How can you see the light if there’s no shadow?

We have to face our shadows to see the light that shining in us – and in others.

Tough times come like clouds. And gradually we realise that they also leave like clouds again. The more we are aware of this cycle, the more we find trust that behind the clouds, there is always a blue sky.

The world is slowly waking up. The ones that can guide and help people through this process – are not as widely spread yet. But even this is a matter of time.

No need to worry, you are fine. You are discovering something.

Resisting the truth – Breaking old concepts

It’s the mind that resists the truth that is within you. After a life long conditioning of superficial values, self-made and borrowed expectations and learning to be “someone” you are not – you slowly realise that there is “more” available for you. That YOU are more…

You wake up to the fact that you’re not the little puppet they made you believe to be and you start to face your own shadows. You start to discover yourself…

…of course there will be resistance of the mind. How dare you start to break all the good, old concepts…

Letting go of “personhood”

Probably the biggest addiction of mankind is the addiction to personhood. When it’s just about me, when it’s all about me. We don’t even really care what other people feel or think.

A simple example: When another person says something, most people are just concerned about their replies instead of deeply listening and trying to understand the other person.

The most dangerous addictions are the ones we are not aware of.

Literally all problems happen because we are addicted to our own person. And this is what I would like to give some leverage in todays article.

Often we take things way to personally.

Check in with yourself the next time you feel overwhelmed, when you are insecure, or when you feel fear in a social situation:

  • Where is my attention? Am I actually interested in the other person, how the other person feels, what the other person says? – Or am I just thinking about myself?

We try to hold on to our idea of who we are supposed to be. Holding up this mask takes a lot of energy – too much energy.

Interestingly enough; when one drops the mind and falls back into love – in states of flow – there is no identification happening. There’s no me, me, me…

It simply doesn’t matter in that place. And people tend to function at their best. It’s an effortless place.

The Me-Mind vs. the We-Mind

I often talk about the me-mind and the we-mind.

Operating from the me-mind is exactly what creates the struggle. It’s the limited, self-identified way of living. A way of living that just cares about selfish reasons – of course this way of looking at the world creates a feeling of separation.

Operating from the we-mind is an all inclusive way of seeing the world. Actually it is “no-mind”. It’s a shift in consciousness, when we become aware that the egoistic “ME” is not as important as we always thought to be. This way of living doesn’t operate from a place of fear but from a place of love.

In my experience, a feeling of connectedness unfolds naturally when the mind is being dropped and solely used for practical things.

It’s the me-mind (ego-mind) that tries everything to keep us occupied in the head. The moment we drop from the head to the heart we step into a place that can’t be afraid. A place that ‘automatically’ speaks and does the right things.


There’s no identification therefore nothing to lose, therefore freedom, therefore pure expression.

We experience that ‘state’ when we don’t think. When we allow ourselves to BE.

In those moments we experience love, we experience freedom, gratitude – we get high on life. The mind will never be able to figure that one out. Because as soon as you name it, you limit it and therefore you miss it.

Your nature is not what your mind projects

Gradually we realise that “being” itself is not even a state. It’s our own nature.

We are supposed to see friends instead of enemies. Look at kids. There is so much less identification. Their minds are much less conditioned.

It’s our nature to see the beauty in others. It’s our nature to be connected. To feel love. To be orgasmic, tantric, deep, fresh, sweet.

When comes the time when we wake up and start to see how perfect we already are?

In the upcoming days, I would like to go more into details, and I would like to give you a few practical tips (for the mind). Please drop your comment below and let me know what topics, challenges to adress first.


Photo by Yolanda Sun on Unsplash

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Sam Ryter

Sam Ryter is an author and professional coach. He helps people to create deeper and more fulfilling relationships with others, the world and themselves.