18. October 2016 Sam Ryter

3 Ways to stop Living by the expectations of others (6min read)

Too many people never dare to speak or live their truth, because of the fear of not being enough. I believe that everyone deserves to live a fulfilled life without needing to please others. That’s why I show 3 ways on how you can find courage and stop living by the expectations of others.

I believe the world would be a better place, if more people would dare to follow their hearts. What’s usually holding people back to follow their truth is fear.

The fear of ‘not being enough’ or of ‘not being loved’ are the ones that are most shape our reality.

It was one of my biggest fears that people could think bad things about me. To be honest, it still is at some times. But I’m getting better. Especially since I’m some kind of a public figure, I got more and more comfortable with speaking my truth. I realised that I can’t control the feedbacks anyways. But what I can control is that I stay true to myself. That took so much courage.

But that insight was so liberating to me. It let me focus on what matters. It is creation – and I can’t lose.

When I write, I can’t do more than writing from love. That’s success for me.

In this article I’d like to give you 3 insights that helped me to overcome those fears of ‘not being enough’, to speak my truth, and to follow my heart.

The higher-self and the ego-self

I mentioned it above shortly. My fears are rooted in my ego-self. It’s the ego that gives me a certain image, a name, an age, a belief-system. It’s the ego that thinks small.

The ego-self is what helps us to ‘survive’ in this world. And I still believe, that it’s part of the fun of life to have the ego trying to make sense out of everything.

But there is a higher source of who we are. I call it the higher-self, but you can give it any name you like. It’s who you really are.

It’s the ‘self’ we experience when we don’t think. When we flow. It’s a state of love. It is love. It’s unstoppable and it can’t lose.

Coming from that place, we bring all the power, all the energy with us. It’s infinite and it’s within everyone.

Now,  it’s up to each and everyone where to focus on.

This is important to understand, because knowing that, my following points will make more sense… hopefully.

Motivation and Spiritual Quote by Sam Ryter - living by the expectations of others

Within everyone is a higher source of power and love that is infinite.

As you change your focus, your world changes. - living by the expectations of others

As you change your focus, your world changes.

1. Become aware of your thoughts and beliefs

Living by the expectations of others, and not from your truth is a fear rooted in your thinking. Thoughts and beliefs that make us feel inadequate.

It’s totally normal to have those thoughts. The difference is on how we are able to live with those thoughts.

Awareness is always the first step. So when you’re having a fear of ‘not being enough’, when it seems that you can’t express yourself – then become aware that this is not really you.

It is your ego-self. Those are thoughts. And thoughts they come and go. The tricky ego is just really quick in identifying itself with those thoughts. Those thoughts start to seem so real and sooner or later they turn into beliefs.

It’s important to understand that you’re not your thoughts and not your beliefs either.

You are so much more. You are full of love and potential. Too often we forget, too often we believe in those thoughts. But they come and go. What stays is a deep sense of peace within.

2. Surrender into your perfection

You’re ego-self is never perfect. It seeks. It’s never satisfied. Luckily we aren’t what the ego thinks we are.

Byron Katie expressed it so perfectly:

“To believe that you need what you don’t have is a definition of insanity”

A couple years ago, I experienced this eye-opening moment. That ACTUALLY, I DON’T NEED TO DO ANYTHING.

What was behind that realisation was a deep sense of certainty that everything is already perfect.

That, not only me, but all the creatures are already perfect, that we are all connected. And that we are all more than our bodies.

Having trust in the perfection that relies within, is to me surrendering.

Well, I have so many flaws. I have so many mistakes. And I talk about them all the time (it’s something I’m consciously working on. To learn to accept myself for all my flaws and to own them as a part of me – Out of that arises my favourite quote: “You teach best what you need to learn most.” – Something I had to laugh about so many times.)

As human beings we experience all kinds of emotions, and we constantly learn, we constantly grow. Surrendering to me is to accept that I can be a student. That I can have flaws. And that I don’t need to be perfect for others.

Surrender to what is, is a journey of self-acceptance. It's a journey back to freedom. Sam Ryter - living by the expectations of others

Surrender to what is, is a journey of self-acceptance. It’s a journey back to freedom.

3. Experience life and take responsibility

What’s life all about for you?

To me it’s having fun, it’s about joy, it’s about experiencing and living it to the fullest.

I don’t believe in a life where you have to hide your beauty.

I believe in a world where people can take off their masks and make mistakes, and fall all over and try and error, but always come from love, from their hearts instead of fear.

Fear is not real. It’s just a survival thought of the ego.

So many people live a life they can’t really enjoy. Spend their time on something they don’t really resonate. Have a job they don’t really like. But they don’t change because they are afraid.

What do you value most in your life?

For some it’s security, for some it’s variety, for some it’s growth… I’m sharing Tony Robbins 6 human needs below. It just gives a great understanding about human nature.

Tony Robbins 6 Human Needs >>

But at the end of the day. We all have something in common. We want to be happy.

And that’s the main motivation behind all action.

It’s a decision to live life from love or from fear. One is real, one is not.

Living from love doesn’t judge.

It is your gift to others to be who you really are.

It’s your gift to yourself. It is the foundation of a stress-less life.

When you don’t need to be someone you’re not.

Happiness and Compassion Quote - Sam Ryter - living by the expectations of others

The root motivation behind our deeds is happiness and love.

It’s your decision how you see the world

Again, it’s your decision on how you perceive the world. By pleasing others, we are afraid of judgement. In fact, we judge ourselves.

But it’s a decision whether we act from fear or from love. It’s a decision to see friends or enemies. That simple destinction changed my whole life.

How about seeing friends? And coming from love?

It literally changes the way you see the world. It changes the world.

And we all can be an example of change.

Sam

What would you like to create in your life?

Please leave your message below. I appreciate every comment, thought, insight and question!

[Video] How to care less what other people think about you

Share this article!

If you find this article helpful, please share it with your friends, it helps me tremendously to spread the word and keep producing ad-free, high quality content. Thank you and I’m incredibly grateful to have you here!

Thank you to unsplash for the cover photo.

Comments

comments

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sam Ryter

Sam Ryter is an author and professional coach. He helps people to create deeper and more fulfilling relationships with others, the world and themselves.

Leave a Reply