It took me quite a few weeks to get myself back together and to start writing again.
The truth is, that in the last few weeks before I decided to take a break, my writings didn’t come from a place of love anymore.
It felt forced. It felt like work. I was more concerned to impress you with ‘content’ than actually trusting and expressing myself. I see it over and over again, when I’m able to drop into that state of total love, where I let go of the little fears (that are made up by the mind anyways) – it just flows through me. Writing becomes art. In fact, all that I’m creating becomes an art. It’s perfect in it’s imperfection.
It never feels like work, but like a joyous experience. There’s not much editing. Not much worry. Because there are no rules… No outcome. Solely an intention.
Rules are always created out of fear.
Playing by rules I didn’t like…
But a couple months ago – when I decided to take a “writing-break”, I didn’t see that. And it was good for me to step back. I was playing by rules I didn’t like – by rules that I have made up for myself. And I started to believe them to be true.
So I suffered.
What I loved so much, turned into a fearful process each time I wanted to start. Afraid to break the rules.
I’m glad I’m stepping up again. I’m glad I can be here with you again. I’m glad to express myself in those lines. With every challenge there comes a gift. And this is indeed, a transformational experience for me.
3 months went by so quickly. I procrastinated – afraid to start to write again. Afraid of not being able to live up to the rules.
Sometimes we choose to suffer in order to get the insights.
I started to feel an incredible sense of freedom, the moment I started to question the rules. Rules that just exist in the mind. That are not true. The moment I believe them – I set myself into a prison.
So in a way, I’m breaking those rules now. I’m deciding to be free. And I’m glad to be back.
The old water tap…
I feel like an old water tap. And I’m aware that in the beginning there’s mostly dirt coming out. But I’m so grateful I started again. Because this post is solely about starting…
Starting without rules. Without boundaries. Because when we remove the attachment to an outcome we open up for all possibilities. We fall in love with the unknown. And that’s art. There’s a level where we have to let go of control and start to trust. And that’s where the magic, the unexplainable, the unexpected, the incredible, the joyous has a space to grow. In our relationships with others, in our art, in everything we do.
Kyle Cease once said: “Nothing that’s not spontaneous is fun.”
I don’t know if it’s true, but I know that life is spontaneous. It happens unexpectedly, it just plays from one moment to the other. There’s no time.
We suffer when we try to control what we can’t. Or we can thrive if we ride with the wave of life. And if we open our eyes… we always learn.
Do you have something to start with?
Do you have something you always wanted to start with… but you procrastinated for a long time? What is it… or what was it for you? Let me know in the comments!