His muscles were aching. His body gives him signs of exhaustion. He doesn’t listen because there’s no way to stop. He has to keep on running. He has to keep on hiding. To stop – would mean death.
It’s hell – but it makes him feel alive. His fear fills him with emotions. Emotions that he wouldn’t dare to feel normally. He’d suppress them, ignore them and try to forget them.
He is numb in his emotions. That’s why he seeks for the extreme. The suffering. Because who would he be, if he wouldn’t feel anything?
He keeps on running away from pain. And into suffering.
Then, at one point, he can’t take it anymore. He collapses. He breaks down, gets down to the ground. He gives up. He surrenders… and he wakes up.
The pain comes closer, captures him, overwhelms him. And the first time in his life he feels peace. He feels love.
He feels freedom.
Maybe pain isn’t painful. But suffering is.
And maybe there’s no need to sprint and hide.
As we run away from pain, we run away from love.
Some need a break-down to realise.
Some notice the lies and stories of the mind along the way – they learn to trust that there is nowhere to run – and no place to hide.
He stopped. Took a breath and noticed that nothing was chasing him.
While reading this story again, it reminds me of a hamster-wheel. A wheel of suffering – and we all sometimes choose to suffer. It is human, and it gives us a sense of aliveness. But we can’t ever escape the hamster-wheel of suffering by running faster. And this is what I see over and over again. Until people break down. Until they realise that all they’d ever needed to do was to slow down.
It takes courage and trust. And I’d be interested in your opinion.
Can you also see yourself in this hamster-wheel sometimes? And have you had any similar experiences? Let me know below in the comments.