Today’s post won’t be structured, please forgive me, but the following lines come from my heart, unedited, pure, real.
It probably won’t rank on google as the content is not ‘SEO-Optimized’. There is also no 3-step-framework. But there is something more I’d like to share with you. And that’s my truth.
I would like to share with you my struggles and what I learned from life and about life. You might be able to resonate with it.
My life of impressing others
Life shows me amazing things. One of the biggest challenges was always to ‚be myself‘. To let go of a certain image. You can imagine how it is to write a blog-post or shooting Youtube videos, trying to impress others, and not to show any flaws. Especially in the beginning of my carreer.
It’s my deepest fear to show my flaws fully to everyone else. Because it would mean that I’m vulnerable. It would mean that I’m weak. Some people could turn away. “I could lose something.”
Only I’m supposed to know what’s behind the curtain. – My Ego
I remember a time while growing up. As a boy, I had to show my strength. Of course I didn’t want to cry. Of course, I would try make up a perfect picture from the outside, appearing confident, being the class-clown, being loud, bragging about successes – even though, from the inside I felt devastated, insecure, lost. Trying to find love and happiness.
Not being perfect never was my standard, and I used to beat myself up for it if I didn’t live up to that.
After not being good enough for my local football team, and many other occurrences, I started to live a life to proof something. To proof that I’m better than everyone else. The truth is: I needed to proof it to myself.
The need to be ‘better’, to beat the odds and to impress others, always comes from pain. From lack.
Nowadays, I still catch myself sometimes beating myself up mentally. I just shot a video for Youtube yesterday and I realised after the 5th take that, it’s actually okay to not being perfect.
My journey of self-acceptance
How about being human for a moment.
Since I truly follow my dream, and live my purpose, life became one big journey of self-acceptance. I never expected that. I was never aware on how much is going on subconsciously. Things that have been supressed for years, suddenly showed off. It’s the first time in my life where I had to start to take look at myself.
There was no boss to blame anymore. Suddenly it got clear to me, that I was responsible for my own growth.
This journey led me to incredibly beautiful places. I’m incredibly blessed for the people I was able to meet.
Sometimes, I’m falling into patterns, that try to keep me save from the unknown. I have times of worry. Especially when it comes to the quality of my content. I’m afraid to show a flawed picture of me.
Because, if I’d show my weaknesses, I wouldn’t be respected anymore as a thought-leader.
I never thought, that actually opening up, and talking about feelings, being vulnerable took so much courage. “I could be hurt” was my egos fear.
But… there is only one person that can hurt me. And that’s myself.
It was a big fear of me, talking about my flaws and mistakes in front of others.
But at the end of the day, we are all human beings right?
The theatre of life
I believe everyone is perfect already, even me (and even if that’s hard to believe sometimes).
I know that we all have fears and frustrations at times, but I truly believe deep within us, there is an amazing, and beautiful power and it’s always accessible.
I don’t believe in wearing a mask anymore. It served me for a long time. But I’ve grown up.
I feel that I can let go of being the “STRONG COACH”. Or the guy who knows everything better.
Because what is strength? This is shifting for me, the more I realise what life is about.
I believe in honesty. Being open and real, accepting what is – to me, this became strength.
It’s a liberating experience to me, and I know so it is for every human being.
Finally we can take away the mask. The mask that was so heavy. The mask that made us act. Like in a theatre.
I realise that I can end this roleplay – if I choose to.
The theatre isn’t a prison. It’s a place to entertain myself.
I believe often we forget that. We’re afraid to take off the mask – and just walk out of the theatre.
Many times we miss the beautiful day, the sun shining outside this theatre, because we’re so obsessed by playing this role.
But how about taking a break? Personally, to me it’s time to take the mask off.
I feel there is more. I might ‘lose’ some people. I might need to be okay with my egos fears of not being ‘strong’ anymore. But I know where I want to go. I feel where this journey leads me. And it just feels right, to take away the guards.
I deeply believe, that the world would be a better, more honest place when people would take off their masks. So I start.
This might not be the most perfect article. Maybe it is not even an article. But I can tell you, it was incredibly liberating to write that down for you. It was a feeling of flow. It came from my true self. Here is pure love in it.
It was no ‘work’. No expectation but joy, gratitude, amazement, fun.
This is what life is about isn’t it?
I realised that there is no such thing as fear, it’s just created in our minds, but it’s not real.
On a higher level, we can’t lose anything. Never. At the bottom line there is always love.
When we let go of the wall we’re holding on, we can fall into the pillows of love, relaxation and joy.
I’m incredibly grateful to have you on my journey. I can’t tell you how much it means to me to read your messages, or even see when you like a post of me. To see that I was able to give a little bit of inspiration away.
Thank you for being here.
[Video] My giving up on being perfect
I shot a video this morning. Out of the moment and from my heart. I explain a bit more in detail about the path I’m going and the challenges I’m facing in my life.
Want to be a subscriber of my content?
Subscribe to my email list and get the latest articles and a lot of free value delivered.